Angel In Heaven
by RaeAngel
Summary: Carter reunites with an old flame and finds love and comfort while struggling with his demons


Disclaimer: The characters of ER don't belong to me and the songs Shape of My Heart and I Promise You (With Everything I Am) by the Backstreet Boys don't belong to me either but I hope you will enjoy this story.  
  
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1  
  
2 Angel in Heaven  
  
3 By Rachel  
  
It was a cold February night and John Carter sat outside on a bench in a park not far from the hospital watching people walk by hand in hand and talk about things that were very important to them. Carter stared at a young woman sitting a bench across from him. The young woman had long auburn hair and the deepest blue eyes that Carter had ever seen. She looked up from the book she was reading and a look of recognition spread across her beautiful face  
  
"John?" Carter looked up and stared at her as she called his name. "How did you know my name?" he asked. The woman looked shocked "Don't you recognize me?" she exclaimed. Carter shook his head no. "You were two years old when my brother and I were born and you and I were friends ever since then and then we dated in high school and in college. I loved you and I love you still."  
  
Carter felt his body tense and tears filled his eyes as he remembered the memories of his childhood. "Emily?" he said. Emily nodded her head "Yes it's me." Carter threw his arms around her and began to cry on her shoulder. Emily wrapped her own arms around Carter and rocked him gently in them. "I never thought I see you or touch you again." Carter said between sobs. "A lot has happened since we saw each other last," Emily said in a gentle voice.  
  
When his tears stopped. Carter told his story first about how he became an ER doctor and the attack that claimed the life of a friend and turned him into a drug addict. Emily was shocked and angry that someone would do a terrible thing like that but she understood the reason it happened. She then told Carter her story about her ten years in the U.S Navy, which she was enlisted after graduating from medical school and she resigned to become a doctor in private practice.  
  
Carter stared at the woman sitting with him and felt something he hadn't felt since Lucy's death months ago. He felt guilt, remorse and regret that he was with another woman so soon. He felt tears well up in his eyes but he fought them back. Emily noticed and looked at him. "What is wrong?" she asked. "I feel so lost", he said, "I feel like I've betrayed her". Emily looked at him with a gentle gaze "You mean Lucy?" she asked. Carter could only nod. Emily stroked his hair and said "I think she would be proud of you for being strong for her when she died and when you were dealing with your drug addiction and she would tell you to go on with your life and let her go". Carter wanted to believe what Emily had said but in his heart he couldn't. "I want to believe you but in my heart I can't". He said.  
  
Emily took his hand and stood up. "I have to go but if you need someone to talk to, you can find me at this address." She gave Carter a business card and a kiss on his forehead and left.  
  
Later that night Carter sunk into a deep depression. He tossed and turned in his bed trying to sleep and he couldn't. He got up and went to the bathroom. He stared at the mirror at his own refection. His face looked pale and his eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep. Carter wanted to break down and cry but he didn't. He went back to the bedroom, got dressed and walked out.  
  
Emily was in bed with her CD player on when she heard a soft knock on her door. " Who is it?" she called. "It's me". A broken voice replied. Emily opened the door and saw Carter standing in the hall looking very upset. "What's wrong?" she asked with a concerned look on her face. Carter looked at her then walked in her apartment, sat down on the sofa and looked at Emily with tear-filled eyes. "I want to say that I'm sorry", he said. "Sorry for what?" Emily asked with a gentle voice. "About leaving you and failing Lucy". Carter broke down and began to cry long, heaving sobs. Emily wrapped her arms around him and tried to comfort him. Carter tried to pull away from her even from her touch but she held him firm. Finally he gave in sobbing on her shoulder. "You didn't leave me or fail Lucy". She said with softness in her voice. "I thought I left you and I was never going to be forgiven". Carter said between sobs. As Carter continued to cry on Emily's shoulder they both heard a song that was playing on the stereo in the bedroom.  
  
  
  
Baby please try to forgive me  
  
Stay here don't put out the glow  
  
Hold me now don't bother  
  
If every minute makes me weaker  
  
You can save me form the man I've become  
  
Looking back at the things I've done  
  
I was trying to be someone  
  
I played my part, kept you in the dark  
  
Now let me show you the shape of my heart  
  
Carter lifted his head and looked at the beautiful face staring at him with love and tenderness. She was his angel from heaven. He was glad he came to her for comfort and strength. He was still crying and still clinging to Emily like a lost and frightened child. She was stroking his hair and whispering words of comfort. When his tears subsided he sat up and wiped his face with his coat sleeve. "Thanks I needed that". He said. Emily smiled and said "Your welcome". She then sat down next to him and asked, "What did you mean when you said that you thought that you left me and never be forgiven?"  
  
Carter took a deep breath and said what he wanted to say. "When you told me that you were going to join the Navy I was angry because I wanted to work with you and spend the rest of my life with you. And when we had that fight the night that you were leaving for California I told you to go and that I never wanted to see you again", Emily nodded her head for Carter to continue. "Since that night I regretted saying those words and I wanted to do anything to take back what I said but I knew that I couldn't and I blamed myself for you leaving just like I blame myself for Lucy's death". Emily took his hand and said "I don't blame you for saying what you said that night you wanted me to stay with you and I pushed you away but I do blame you for blaming yourself for what happened to Lucy", Emily then spoke in a gentle but firm voice. "What happened to her wasn't your fault and you were lucky to be alive after something like that and she wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life in blame and despair. You need someone who can love you as much as she did".  
  
Someone like you, Carter thought as he looked into Emily's eyes and then he realized as much as he loved Lucy he was starting to feel the same way Emily. " You love me after all these years and all the things I've done to you?" he asked Emily smiled and said, "Yes I love you and I'll always will for the rest of my life". Carter didn't realize he was crying again until he saw a tear drop on Emily' s shirt. He knew this time he wasn't crying sad tears but happy ones as he threw Emily into his embrace and pressed her forehead onto his own forehead and his tears mixing with hers  
  
"I love you Emily Hall".  
  
"I love you John Carter".  
  
I promise you  
  
From the bottom of my heart  
  
I'll love you till death do us part  
  
I promise you  
  
As a lover and a friend  
  
I will love you like I'll never love again  
  
With everything I am  
  
4  
  
5 The End 


End file.
